Loving women. I loved A woman for more than 40 years. That meant certain restrictions on my ability to befriend women. I did not mind. I loved my wife dearly and honestly all my life with her, I love her memory now as much as I did
her. But I cannot commune with her. I cannot kiss her. I cannot hold her or converse with her, I can't ask her about herself anymore. I used to rely on her for all that and more and I gave all that I could that she asked of me.

Now I have many friends who are kind and decent women. They care for me, in all the ways they perceive me as unable to. They cook, they clean, they converse and they enjoy my company. They call and check on me, they bring me things and think of me...I am truly blessed. I find this love most enjoyable...and yet, there remains in me a longing to find HER, like my wonderful Carla, a woman beyond my expectations, a woman I have no restraints against, no mask to hide my face from her, no other to have to demure to or think of, just she who makes my days and nights without concern for what is "too much love". She who would look at me with eyes that see my goodness and love me for my humanity...

Perhaps it is too much to ask. Perhaps I should rejoice and give thanks that my needs are met and the faces are sweet and many. Perhaps. But am I capable, honestly, of not wishing she would come into my world, that she would be my dream and reason for so much beyond just me...just one woman, just that one I KNOW is out there, wanting me, waiting for me...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Cripple and the Crone/( thanks to the Bros.Grimm)

The two, like characters from a fairytale, lived down the road from the good place. They had wasted their years in vanity and consumption and had nothing to show but a shabby house. They hated their limitations, they hated each other too. When he or she would get a chance to visit the good place, they brought their bile and poured it in glasses to serve all around. The people of the good place overlooked such evil, wishing instead to be accepting of differences. This bothered the crone to no end. She found someone new to hate. She developed a tale that would make the good place bad. Her lies she would craft to make all the virtue she had been shown, dissolve in a lie of epic proportions. But she made sure to hide it from all who offered a sympathetic ear. She painted all the kindness as imposition, she tarnished good names for her own amusement. Sadly, it was the community that suffered from the lies. The good place remained good and the 2 never found their way back to it again.
Read more

Volleyball

I am not a volleyball despite what some may think. I am an honest man, I work hard and I stink. I am not some pseudo-man acting one way while hiding another, pretending to be me. I could just as well be my brother. I am not invisible, I am not bandaged and hidden. I am the one so few encounter, I am what is obvious and given. But in a world of players in this world where truth matters little I am still not a cats toy,  I will not be covered in spittle. So play your games, hoist your net, but don't be surprised or saddened at what you'll never get. Some men are real, some men are fake, I am not a man who wishes to be on your plate. Some women are fish, some men are fishers but I've never ever been one to cast a line to so-called well wishers. I am He, who plants corn and spinach and broccoli, I am He who waters those in need, I am not a porn star or a man who values deceit. I am a man, an honest one best I
Read more

The order of things

Chaos is the bed of creation. It affords possibility and being. Order arises from chaos, yet the 2 nd law of thermodynamics claims the opposite. Entropy is the supreme chaos, yet affords no possibility. Human affairs; the will to power and the order imposed on beings. For all the reasons we inherently accept, we allow an order to be imposed on us as individuals. This imposition is defining. It becomes you as you acquiesce to its dictates. You become the role describing your behavior, your attitudes, your concerns and values, ultimately. The myth of individual liberty claims for each of us the choice of being who we are. The considered view of this myth against the backdrop of imposed order reveals unfreedom. Even in democratic moments, the order is evident. Debates are limited to issues, these defined by the interests vested in the process of political economy. But the consideration should address childhood, primarily. By the time one has matured into oneself defined by the conte
Read more